18 Months Post Surgery..!!!!

Well, Tomorrow, 25th October 2013, marks my 18 months anniversary post surgery.Now, there are days and days that I don't even think about the fact that I had jaw surgery. Still, I can't yawn without any pain (in fact, it feels good!), I can't bite into anything I want to (though I still don't bite into anything hard, just force of habit), I wake up and my jaw is in the right place ( Often i see dreams about my misplaced jaws) and stays there - little to no shifting. I can move my lower jaw side to side and forward/back (not as much as before, but enough to shift food around in my mouth and I don't notice the difference). Only my numb lip and chin remembers my past days and oh yeah these bands too... But i now im in break with these bands.. Not with any new reason, just because it HURTS, really hurts and that makes me crazy....!!!!!!

So finally... 18 months post surgery, I consider myself 90% back to normal in range of motion, and jaw mobility. My chin and face are still a bit numb, but it doesn't bother me in the least. infact i love the numbness,cuz that remembers me my past days.... I love my numbness. Love it, love it, LOVE it. And, I'm very pleased with my results - and very glad I went through all of that awful-ness that was jaw surgery and recovery.

Moving on to normal life, I have to work on my software testing course, but I have been studying for a test for higher studies for weeks, and had to schedule it for both morning and afternoon sections respectively. Well they were booked, but for that I need to stay at hostel so I moved to Visitation convent hostel. Food is horrible here; the two restaurants nearby are the only consolation I found. Wednesday’s menu was little different, and It was the first day I was able to truly enjoy my dinner at hostel because of my favorite menu, chapatti and chicken curry...I don’t chew everything i eat, usually at home, I keep avoiding this kind of hard food even if it is my favorite but here at hostel after almost two weeks, im seeing something eatable so I tried to consume that by applying all possible ways I can adopt to chew…. I feel my braces pulling on my teeth again, that pressure you feel after an adjustment.  Finally I felt something inside loosen or u can term it as broken!!!! A cracking sound with pain!!! Oh my God!!!!

Today I went to the Orthodontist to check the status of my braces…. He found the clip broken and asked me to visit next Tuesday to fix it up!!!

Shiverry........ Feverry

I've been struggling on and off with a cold and fever the past week or so, which makes wearing the elastics difficult (since I usually need to breathe through my mouth - it's difficult to breathe through my nose) - at one point last week I spit it out in my sleep for the first time in a long time. I woke up with a dull headache and achy jaw! 

I had my monthly appointment today and which went uneventful. I was soo tired cuz of this fever and i was shivering when my ortho adjusting my teeth. he advised not to stop elastics cuz on and off could increase the pain. Now i'm in elastics for another one or two months (for the final push to close my bite a little more). 

My next appointment is in another one or two months. I'm crossing my fingers for that one :)

Long Awaited Appointment

Two weeks gone by no information about my doctors!!! Why they are ignoring me this much??? Don’t know,  getting confused!!! Did they have decided to endup everything which includes me???  Did they think that myself  i'll quit everything if they dont give any mind to my call?? Does this means i should stop bothering them???Don’t know!!! long 3 months from now since i heard a single word from them... this is my first experience with these doctors avoiding me this much when i'm in such kinda an emergency situation... Tried to contact Dr. Jeomy, to inform him that stranger doctor's advise to remove these braces, he have answered my call and said Thursday we have an appointment, not this Thursday next Thursday!!! Means 9^th August….. I was not in a mood to ask him what happened, he didn’t explain either….what happened with me, I know, I was tired, mind was frozen, Brain was not working at all not a single ray of hope left inside my heart to question anything, I have had a strong belief prior that this doctors will be with me in my every stage of treatment, every drop of tears but they ignored me completely when I was desperately needing their help. They left me alone completely alone…

I have finally been in contact with two members of the team today (ortho and surgeon) and I am feeling relieved. Scared and still upset but there is a sense of intense relief from knowing that they havent forgotten about me.

My ortho, tightened my teeth and again requested to wear elastics. He delievered a sppech as usuall regarding the necessity of wearing those elastics...Hmmm I think this time I should wear that….. atleast at night, in the day time im not even gonna think about that….!!!!

Happily depressed........

My left lower molar tooth is hurting whenever I chew or it complaints like hitting with a pin. I don’t go through the day without pain or a headache. I’ve gone back to taking imol like it’s a job….. I’m right back where I started. Tried to contact my doctors but no one answer to my call…. They would call me back when they get  free I thought, I expected and hoped but

No call.

Now, I understand they’re busy BUT I sent a text message explaining that I am in so much pain. I am taking my Imol , Painkiller but the pain does not go away. Its also accompanied by a background headache that lingers on ALL DAY. Im still waiting for a reply and since I sent it tuesday I figure, Ill give it until tomorrow.

I just dont know what to do. I am so tired of this whole procedure and my biggest fear at this point is giving up and “living with the pain.” This molar tooth was so much complicated one and we kept that inside just to pull down these braces’ clip. Is that got infected now???  I dont know but I just need answers.

At last My cell started ringing, my dear doctor’s call, I was about to receive that but that ring only twice then I called him back, he rejected my call….. I waited waited and finally agreed to the truth, they are not gonna call me back……

I wish they would read my blog as maybe that would make them realize how much distress Im in. I think someone should call their office every day asking for an update…I figure they would probably get so frustrated they’d call me up to Kesavadasapuram the next day just to make us shut up.

My dream.

I’ve had to make an emergency doctor’s appointment with a “stranger” in my area who will do something to my tooth, not sure what. I fear anyone unknown touching my jaw. As someone put it I had “my jaw taken out of my skull, sawed, and fastened back in.”

Finally went to the “stranger” doctor yesterday and poor man, I was NOT happy to be there. I don’t like any random doctor touching my face but I was willing to give him a chance because im desperate. I’m still in pain and frankly Im mentally and physically exhausted from this whole ordeal.

So anyways, he comes into the examination room and it’s tense. You can feel it in the air, big time.  He looks at my mouth and says “I can fix the tooth, but it won’t help the pain.”

I automatically start send out comments and questions on why he wasn’t made aware that my problem was pain? Did the doctors even TELL him what was going on? I dont care about my clipped tooth at this point, Turns out, he didn’t know about the pain. He thinks its because that tooth got infection n we need to extract it but to keep braces inside anyhow we need to protect it. And I left empty handed. I had nothing done, no fixing the tooth, nothing but he suggested one antibiotics. Good part was that he didnt charge me anything. I think it’s because he was my cousin’s friend.

I never cried after my surgery but yesterday the tears came down   I was just so over tired from everything. Not hearing back from anyone, feeling completely shut out of the world by my doctors who I loved so much. but to my great comfort, the pain started winding up slowly with the antibiotics and i slowly came back to normal life, but still no response from my doctors!!!!!

No Gain, All Pain

Things aren't really looking so good for my jaws, well, on Friday morning I noticed my lower left lip and chin (still numb) areas are a bit swollen. Pain is there all over so I didn't get shocked to see that. Hmmmmmm I’m used with the swollen days and nights. It kept happening and kept happening and my jaw was starting to get the shooting, awful pains from right after last appointment so I thought I’ll ring Dr. Jeomy but later i decided No. Let that consume me as much as it can. Tomorrow I call Dr. Jeomy if the pain doesn't have any plan to get off. Had one Imole which helped to relieve a bit.

For my great comfort the pain reduces a lot by two days but my lower lip and still swollen and a kinda awkward feeling is there.I can't really open my mouth widely or laugh properly. My stammering bothers me now and then. yeah, anyway i forgot to wear those creamy dreamy elastics, but at this condition i cant even imagine of bearing that too. hmm mm i'm taking a break from those elastics till this Tuesday (30th April) because I've follow up appointment at specialists' hospital and after, i wish to spend some quality time with my best friend and his family so i wanna be free, i want freedom "Freedom to be..... azadi dil ki", lemme back from Kochi. Atleast i need this one week time before movin on to the elastics world!!!!!

Decision to move on

It's my one year anniversary yesterday and I had appointment with Dr. Rodney. I thought I'll discuss about de-banding with Dr. Rodney (my ortho) but as I doubted my request is been rejected. When I went in he wasn't ready to listen me first but when I insisted gave me an explanation for the elastics issue that i discussed in my second last post..  Apparently after surgery your jaw muscles really really want to go back to their old position so they pull on your bones to go back the way things were before. They weren't strong enough to hold everything in place as my jaw muscles were fighting to return to their old position.so the bone could relapse if i quit that here…. I asked him how??? The cut and joined bone, how can they set back???? Scientifically it’s wrong, he replied very patiently see many people have the misconception that bones are the most rigid and strongest part of our body, before getting into the medical field I was also in that belief but its just opposite to what we think, bone is the most flexible part of our body we could size and shape it however we like to have. For example, have you seen the Tibetan’s wearing rings to around neck in order to elongate that and Pakistani’s wearing turbans to make head pointed likewise we are applying pressure to move bone through teeth. Now it’s like we are banding a thing to elongate. The muscles which keep the teeth fixed inside bone will hurt for some time when you band it after it will stop hurting. But when you stop it, it’s like banding and de-banding, the muscles which ties the teeth to the bone get disturb more that’s why its hurts more. Now you have elastics to overlap the upper teeth with the lower teeth, there’s no way other than this elastics.  See, we started from a fragile and weakest condition there nothing to expect without pain and still it like that.  I agree that it hurt, I could understand but I’ll ask you to bear it, I will get you more soft elastics if you can’t bear this. I don’t like you are quitting here.  I explained all problems which I’m having with this braces. He was empathetic but adamant. I knew his character so I stopped arguing. I think it’s pretty cool though how your muscles want to go back to the way they were... What if i didn't have jaw surgery, but rather was punched in the face by some unsavory individual and my face was messed up?  My awesome jaw muscles would be working hard to put everything back together! Anyway. I'm really hoping everything will stabilize soon because i want these braces OFF!  So far no idea when the estimated removal day is going to be.....  And for those just dying to know the condition of the nerves in the left side of my chin and lower lip - no improvements recently.  I have slight feeling but its incredibly annoying.If i touch my chin, I know I'm touching it - but i get a very tingly sensation.  If water is dripping down my chin i definitely don't feel it at all.  If my sheets rub against my face while I’m in bed i feel like sand paper is scraping across my face.  It’s quite horrible.  Occasionally, I get random tingles in my chin, and sometimes some pain shoots through - luckily this is rare though.  I sometimes get pain along my jaw line... but according to my surgeon all of this is depends on persons after surgery as the nerves are healing and reconnecting.  Fun stuff. There is no point in arguing with him. He is soo dedicated to his work and which put me on a great surprise. But he misunderstood me like I don’t have enough patience to listen him. He said you don’t care about this bone stuff eh?? You all worrying about your pain aren’t you?? I tried to explain no!!! But he didn’t listen. Honestly speaking I love listening to these lectures about my treatment. How will I make him understand I don’t know!! Then he wired my upper and lower teeth carefully and assured me that he’ll bring soft elastics next time when we meet. He pleaded once again to keep wearing elastics.

My 1st Jaw-Niversary

April 25 marked my 12 month jaw-niversary, one full year after my face was sawed open and screwed and wired together. Wow. It's hard to believe so much time has already gone by. It feels like it was just yesterday.... but that's how time always is. I remember the paths of my surgery, the hardships, the sufferings, the insults (Dr. Shivapriyan and Dr. Sreejith’s), the consolation and the happiness. Ananthapuri hospital’s dirty and ugly general ward, my room 644, long corridor to the operation theater, Dr. Mahadevan, Dr. Shaji Azad, Dr. Sreevidya, Dr. Divya (all anesthesiologists),Dr Rekha Manoj, their staffs and their love. Let me take a word for them, thank you doctors, I love you all….  I didn’t mention my surgeons and other doctors is not cuz I forget you, its just cuz you all are still there in my life. Then the pre op ward, the lovely nurse who fed me mango juice and tied my hair…. I miss all, all things happened on that BIG day…. I wish to be there once again, roam around the paths which I covered once.  my left lower lip and left chin are still numb and I wanna keep that like that forever cuz that the only thing which reminds me about my past days,  my,

Heart full of pain,

Head full of stress

Hand full of anger, held in my chest

Uphill struggle

Blood, sweat and tears

Nothing to gain

Everything to fear

Now... onto the fun part - my anniversary! Here's my long-winded update.

Numbness:  My left lower lip and chin are still quite numb. I find that there are weeks (like right now) that it drives me NUTS - it itches, it tickles, it twitches, it feels like I have two inches of dried wax sitting on it.... The numbness does not bother me at all, at least when my chin isn't throwing a fit. The numbness covers my chin to some degree, and it extends into the sides of my upper lip and my nose( which cuz of rhinoplasty). Nose and upper lip are not completely numb, but I don't have 100% feeling back anywhere there. Again, it doesn't bother me - some people I've read have been annoyed to no end about this, but unless I'm poking around with my fingernail or running my fingers lightly over my face I can't even tell.

Jaw pain:  lower numb lip and the cut and joined section inside still hurts and the some strong shaking effect is also there (the reason of that still not known). I still am unable to chew without some pain,

Swelling:  I still have swollen days - especially after each and every dental appointments.

Some frequently asked questions.....

Was your mouth wired shut?   - Nope. I just wore really light elastics. i could take them off to brush my teeth or open my mouth a little bit.

How long before you can go back to work/school? - Depends.  I only spend 3 days mainly in bed and that was at hospital. At home I never tried to sleep except at night.  I don’t think this surgery needs a lot of rest.

How long before you get feeling back in your chin/lips?  This is really tough to answer and i think it definitely depends on how good your surgeon is and how extensive your surgery is.  I had absolutely no feeling in pretty much my entire face after surgery....then it gradually started coming back after a week or 2.   I got feeling back in the right side of my chin/lips but the left side was still numb.... and honestly its its still mostly numb.  I usually know when something is touching my chin...but it doesn't feel the way it normally feels when something touches your skin. If i brush my finger against the left side of my lower lip/chin - it feels all tingly and weird. If i'm brushing my teeth and some water or toothpaste drips onto my chin, i can't feel it at all.  I'm not really a fan. They say whatever it feels like at the 1 year point will probably how it'll feel for the rest of your life.... so I just deal with it.

Does the surgery drastically alter your appearance?  Depends on the surgery... I definitely look different, but i wouldn't say drastically. My smile is definitely different - but I'd say for the better. [no one coulda believed it was possible!!! :P]